The Harry Potter Horoscopes
by Smirnoff Ryuu
Summary: A humours outlook at the lifes of the Characters of Harry Potter told through the eyes of a more competant teacher than Trewlawny
1. Chapter 1

**The Harry Potter Horoscopes**

Again with the disclaimer – anything that I could be sued for I can't because I don't!

At any rate, these are the Harry Potter Horoscopes based on the different books and the happenings within them, they are here to be enjoyed, laughed at and above all not eaten or taken seriously…eating Horoscopes can be very bad for your health so I really wouldn't advise it…Anywho read enjoy, chortle, chuckle, giggle to your hearts delight and feedback is always appreciated!

Those of you who suffer from a lack of humour, sensitive nature of Sirius and his 'veil condition', failed divination, generally liked Umbridge, maybe find these difficult to read, digest and swallow (despite being warned not to eat them) If anyone should feel queasy after reading the bathroom is the second door on the left hand side of the eighteenth corridor, no getting up during the presentation and no drinking or eating is allowed.

Thank You and please remember to claim your Waffer Theen Mint at the end of the Horoscope


	2. Chapter 2

**Neville Longbottom Horoscope: Prisoner of Azkaban**

**Money: **Money will be short this month for reasons you are not sure that you cannot quite remember, there is a possibility you spent it in Hogsmeade but you really won't remember. The rememberall won't be much help either, since you can't quite recall where you last saw it, but think you lost it.

**Love: **Even if your love life did have any major twists to it, you wouldn't really remember anyway so this uneventful year won't seem any different than normal.

**Friends: **Events concerning your friends this year will seem very familiar to you for some reason that you can't quote recall, but think you may have lived through before…but really won't remember if you have.

**Career: **Your brief consideration of Care of Magical Creatures as a profession will be short lived, but for reasons you've forgotten, you will soon be back on the lines towards being a Herbologist…you think.


	3. Chapter 3

**Fred and George Weasley Horoscope: Prisoner of Azkaban**

**Money: **After a few minor set backs and business expenditures you will find yourselves as poor as ever and wishing there would be an easier way to become successful, though don't give up, eventually your efforts will be handsomely rewarded.

**Love: **Your love lives will be rather quiet due to the extra time spent planning practical jokes and business ventures.

**Friends: **Your social network will be strengthened after several well-deserved victories that will lead to a great many celebrations.

**Career: **Your careers will seem slow this year and with approaching deadlines and lots of expected tests, your time will be short and after some rather impressive victories and one defeat you will find yourselves very short of time to explore your career options.


	4. Chapter 4

**Severus Snape Horoscope: Prisoner of Azkaban**

**Money: **Your bank balance will suffer depreciation due to a huge expenditure on a frivolous magazine order that backfires horribly.

**Love: **Valentine's Day will be as uneventful and despised as ever.

**Friends: **Old enemies return and seemingly try to dispose of slightly newer enemy which will cause you to take some make some very difficult decisions and make a very disastrous mistake.

**Career: **As it seems you are being rewarded for your well made decision, you will unfortunately be denied these spoils by the current bane of your existence and seek to try and further yourself in new and often uncharted branches of magic including Voodoo.


	5. Chapter 5

**Remus Lupin Horoscope: Prisoner of Azkaban**

**Money:** After being pick-pocketed by hooded figures you will find yourself once again with a steady income.

**Love:** As Venus crosses the moon's path you will meet one who will touch your heart and become very attached to.

**Friends:** Reunitement is the theme this year with the reappearance of many old faces and a very sudden parting of ways due to an entanglement with the law and ministry.

**Career:** Your career will blossom this year with many cute young ginger wizards involved as well as the opportunity to prove yourself occurring more than once. You will prove a great aid to one so undeserving of your talents.


	6. Chapter 6

**Severus Snape Horoscope: Prisoner of Azkaban**

**Money: **Your bank balance will suffer depreciation due to a huge expenditure on a frivolous magazine order that backfires horribly.

**Love: **Valentine's Day will be as uneventful and despised as ever.

**Friends: **Old enemies return and seemingly try to dispose of slightly newer enemy which will cause you to take some make some very difficult decisions and make a very disastrous mistake.

**Career: **As it seems you are being rewarded for your well made decision, you will unfortunately be denied these spoils by the current bane of your existence and seek to try and further yourself in new and often uncharted branches of magic including Voodoo.


	7. Chapter 7

**Neville Longbottom Horoscope: Order of the Phoenix**

**Money: **Money will be short this month for reasons you cannot remember, there is a possibility you misplaced it but you really won't remember. The rememberall won't be much help either, since you think you lost it.

**Love: **You will seem to remember a ginger haired girl from last year, but won't be too sure, so will pass up the opportunity for romance. Though the two of you will be working closely together.

**Friends: **Events concerning your friends this year will lead to experiences you will never forget but will wish to (there's a first time for everything)

**Career: **After a surprisingly short lived military career you will find yourself in grave peril, but forget why you were there later.


	8. Chapter 8

**Fred and George Weasley Horoscope: Order of the Phoenix**

**Money: **Expect large amounts of gold to be pouring into your coffers after some very successful business ventures. This stockpile will continue to grow as your business acumen continues to flourish.

**Love: **Your love of free spirited actions will lead to many a humorous escapade this coming year resulting in the adoration of all but one or two high ranking individuals.

**Friends: **Your social network will increase with extra and unexpected interaction with your peers and the faculty.

**Career: **Your careers will blossom in some areas, but will reach an unfortunate demise in other areas due to a disagreement and several incidents within the coming school year.


	9. Chapter 9

**Severus Snape Horoscope: Order of the Phoenix**

**Money: **Your bank balance will suffer neither depreciation nor sudden increase due to inheritance.

**Love: **Valentine's Day will be as uneventful and despised as ever.

**Friends: **Old enemies return and some are disposed of for you quite conveniently due to their own stupidity and marksmanship of their family members. New alliance will prove to prosperous and also aggravating to rivals especially stupid Scottish Hags.

**Career: **Though will expect and probably deserve promotion you find yourself lacking in such a reward in both your day job and moonlight careers, though one will be exceedingly more satisfying than the other.


	10. Chapter 10

**Remus Lupin Horoscope: Order of the Phoenix**

**Money:** After losing your wallet in a long distance journey you will discover an unexpected windfall, an inheritance of some form.

**Love:** As Mars crosses the moon's path you will once again be reunited with an old flame with hair to match.

**Friends:** Though true friends are hard to find they are very easy to lose, the last few days of this school will prove this.

**Career:** Your career will take many unexpected turns this year with many cute young ginger wizards involved.


	11. Chapter 11

**Sirius Black Horoscope: Order of the Phoenix**

**Money: **Your bank balance will see very sudden and drastic depreciation at the end of this year, more so than when you bought a smarmy git a certain birthday present, no not the killer rabbit.

**Love: **Relationships with old friends, flames and family will be cemented by mutual feelings this coming year with obvious indications, tokens and expression of these feelings, including the exchange of gifts, words and incantations.

**Friends: **You will find yourself alone, cold and without any form comfort after a succession of events that can be blamed on your ward, mother and her pesky house elf, but most importantly not on yourself.

**Career: **Will be very abruptly and unexpectedly curtailed.


End file.
